The Red Phone

Posted by on Jun 15, 2010 in 2010, Choken Word, Globalization

It came from the sky in the blink of an eye.
A flash of light.
A conspiracy theorist’s delight.

Obama picked up the red phone.
Dialed 911 for our friends who are not shown.
Who have been watching us forever.

Many thought they were not really here.
Believers were thought to be crackpots and feared.
And on Tuesday the stage was finally set.
The day aliens and humanity met.

How much more toxic could we be?
How many prayers to Jesus before we would see
That we are not alone and never have been.
Jesus has been watching from above as we spin.

Obama spoke these few words.
So as to not become unglued.

“I finally have called in the Cavalry. The secrets of this presidency are to come to an end today. The United States has been working with not one but many aliens nations for decades. Anytime human technology seems to great to be true (The Moon Landing)… it is.  We have reached out in times of need for technology to help us with the evolution of the human species. There is no longer any time to hide this secret. With the oil spill in the Gulf, two wars, an unravveling global economy, unrest in Iran and North Korea and the continual melting of our polar ice caps;  it is time to work in concert with our alien friends and allies. No longer will we live in fear of humanity. We are now one with the galactic nation.

Any questions?”



  1. Logocentric
    June 15, 2010

    hello? yes, President Obama? it is an honor and privilege to speak with you. are you on the red phone?

    can i report a sighting? i don’t know what it was. but i was standing outside my house last saturday night, about 10 pm, and i saw a very dodgy light i can’t quite explain. i live near a major airport, and i see jets and planes and helicopters all the time, and this was like nothing i’ve ever seen. i was quite moved by it. it seemed to be conscious of me. but that sounds crazy, doesn’t it? have you seen any such thing?

    it seemed to bounce, as though it were weightless. it rose up from the horizon, from the direction of the airport. it moved from one position to another, in very quick maneuvers. it was a white light, like venus in the west after sunset. very white and radiant. but i knew it wasn’t venus. it pulsed on and off rapidly–reminded me of a disco light. isn’t that odd? that it would remind me of a dance light? it was sort of erratic: as i said, it moved up and down, left and right; and it seemed to move toward me and then receded. then back and forth again. it did this for at least five minutes before it dropped back down to the horizon and disappeared.

    i’m not convinced that this is anything “alien.” in fact, it seemed quite familiar. but i just can’t put my finger on it.

    do you think i’m crazy, Mr. President? i was very moved by this event, and i don’t know what to do with it. my friends and family ignore me when i talk about it. if only i could know that they’ve seen what i saw.

    perhaps this is the real meaning of the term “alienation.” despite all my other eccentricities.

  2. globatron
    June 15, 2010

    more of your questions will be answered in tonight’s Presidential address. Jesus is still the answer but he’s from another planet. you are not crazy. we have been watching you for some time. we reveal ourselves to those who can handle the truth. disco is really popular on all galactic planets. on some it is a religion as well. everyone has not seen what you saw. you are not alone. thank you for sharing your experience. i looked it up in our database and it was already logged. we just didn’t know if you saw them or not. now this trouble ticket will be escalated to the next level. you will be contacted again soon with further instructions. don’t fear the disco light. it comes in peace.

  3. Logocentric
    June 15, 2010

    what do i do about the voices in my head that are telling me to dig a cavern in my backyard, beneath the swimming pool? and what about that orange chicken that occasionally watches me from the foot of my bed when i wake up?

  4. globatron
    June 15, 2010

    the voices are real. listen to them. dig the cavern. if you have a swimming pool at least swim in it at first. the chicken is also real. ask him to jump in your oven and he will if you so wish to eat him.

    what else are the voices asking you to do?

  5. Logocentric
    June 15, 2010

    they are also asking me to scale the tallest structure i can find and then wait for them.

  6. globatron
    June 15, 2010

    climb it and wait then.

    as far as the voices, this makes me think maybe the voices are there.
    when people say they see or hear people maybe they are seeing or hearing real people. just a thought. or course i know schizophrenia is an awful disease but maybe if people accepted these voices as real then it wouldn’t be as bad.

    just a thought.

  7. Greg
    June 15, 2010

    So if the extraterrestials land here are they going to considered illegal aliens? You figure they have no green card or citizenship proof and have not applied for a visa. Perhaps they should put in the application and wait in orbit until our government approves it. Shouldn’t take more than 7 – 10 years. 🙂

    You know we would have to redo all the Wal-Mart parking lots to now include space craft landing right up front with handicap, pregnant mothers, local law enforcement and employee of the month.

    Ok on serious note, if we ever really were contacted by life from outside the Earth the entire populace would freak. Completely.
    It is not like District 9 or Alien Nation, it would be more like ET or Starman. Hunt them down and give em to the science boys.
    As sad as it makes me that is just human nature.

  8. Akbar Lightning
    June 15, 2010

    greg, that’s hilarious…

    i actually think human beings don’t freak out enough…

    great post

  9. globatron
    June 15, 2010

    I forgot the part where they only want our first born children in order to help stop the oil spill.


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