A third here. Drifting between the here and now. The details of life. Building legacy. Noticing how big they are growing. How fast time is going. I wake up each day and before it is over find thankfulness. Even though I question where I am. What is my calling, if any? I see all the struggles my wife goes through. All the hard work she puts in. The schedules booked. Doctors. Appointments with contractors. A home that is being rebuilt for us. One day I will get off this couch. My daughter drew a picture of the family the other day. In her stick figure style. She is only six but she gets the lines right. She expresses what she sees. They say you can tell a lot from a child’s family portrait. I was drawn on a couch floating above the family. She even drew an extra sibling into our family but I was floating above them all on a couch. Detached. I asked her why and she said it was because there was no room for me. Sadly I thought about how maybe I have not given any room for her. In my floating. I hope I am wrong.
A third there. So the floating takes me places. I might be sitting with you. I might be listening to you. But my conversation might drift. A conversation about the weather will turn into politics will turn into global warming will turn into the depletion of our natural resources. How it is all tied together. I float high in these conversations. I am not on a couch above my family but in a hot air balloon floating miles and miles away. The media is not chasing my balloon for I have not been reported missing. Maybe someone should call the police but I rather enjoy floating. This has only been amplified. This feeling of wanting to connect the dots and to see the big picture. The micro and the macro. I was always a daydreamer but now dreams are reality. Science fiction is science faction. Dream it and do it. Write and say it. But please do something.
A third over there. Take a little bit of daydreamer then just add a bit of brain tumor and what you will get is an increased ability to mark time. To dream of space. To look at it from many angles. Reality and all its nuances. The possibility of it being an illusion. The infinity and what really is infinity. Energy. Are these words changing you as you read them? Are they changing me? Have they been written before? Having mourned my death for years I have accepted life and all its reincarnations. I am the fly on the wall. The ant I stepped on. The family of ducks crossing the street. How my office mates walked out to see them. Were they seeing the ducks or were the ducks seeing them. What is a duck? The word formed in our mind to identify an organism that is stardust just like us. Vibrating just like us. Only a few feet away. Are we also in that family? What bacteria live in the dirt under their webbed feet? How small are their parts? Do planets rotate around their stars at the same ratio of distance as electrons rotate around their nuclei? Are there lifeforms on electrons? What are they made of? Are planets alive? What is alive?