Nights of Resignation…Hidden Guild Members Come Forth!

We are hidden, even to ourselves.
that which compels us, we resist, because it seems wrong somehow.
Sure we act out, but these are pressure relief valves, we have yet to break down the damn, the facade that secures us from those we know to be our captors, and rush forth with the flood of self.
We are aware of this possibility, it haunts us, this possible baptism in the waters of resignation, surrender to our real fate.

For to do so would make freaks of us, and place us in a final state of antagonism with the shared illusion of the ‘social.’ To do so would mean to speak out, to preach, yes, to preach. Not to teach, not to share some knowledge or answers, no to preach, to get up and point to the questions, to point out the ways in which things are not working, to become rascals and discontents.

The topic that binds us, those of us who are in hiding, is this, this knowledge of our eventual fate, the shadow that haunts us, it terrorizes us because we don’t even know if we are right, we don’t even know the nature of that splinter in our mind, but the only way we will resolve it, is to one day become knights of infinite resignation, a term coined by Kierkegaard, referring to that person in society who is maddened by a God who demands something that cannot be morally resolved.

Those of us who can relate to this account want nothing more desperately than to belong to society, to be folded into the hierarchy of virtue, but that force that keeps us from doing so, what is this?
It is possible, like Abraham, that our greatest glory will come from a willingness to do what threatens the foundations of our sanity. God help us.

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  1. Akbar Lightning
    December 31, 2009

    I have been thinking intensely lately about going deeper, way deeper into my spiritual quest, making my relationship with compromise less rooted in worldly desires…and this morning i wrote that the coming year will be the year i open up to my fate, after posting the above writing…and then later in the day I read my horoscope in Chronogram Magazine, a Hudson Valley Arts and Culture Magazine, and it was one of those rare experiences when such things speak in a way that cannot be coincidental…(horoscope by Eric Francis Coppolino)

    Leo (July 22-August 23)
    Nobody would accuse you of being an introvert, but sometimes the most outgoing people are the most inwardly focused. You know this about yourself, and it’s challenging because you feel like it’s your destiny to have attention focused on you. The circumstances of your life call you out into the world of leadership. Yet your sensitive heart and soul call you ever inward. Your transits this year provide support for that deep inner search, one that could best be described as an exploration of your spiritual beliefs. By spiritual, I mean that which defies the world’s expectations, laws, and rules; that dimension of you that identifies with ethics: considered by most something impossible to attain.

    I just described this as “spiritual,” but for you it’s one of the worldliest things you think about: the necessity for personal responsibility. This is one reason why traditional religion holds so little appeal to you. Nearly all religions project what they think of as God outwardly, and in a way that is parental and removes one’s own direct involvement. Religion is most often used as a way to dump responsibility for our personal choices. Your natural tendency is to be in direct relationship with God or Goddess within. That divine entity, expressing itself in human form, is what embraces every facet of human nature. That is your first mission of the coming seasons of your life: to directly experience and understand the light and dark aspects of who you are, and to act only when you’ve checked in with both “sides” of yourself.

    As you move through this territory, you may experience the sometimes-tense relationship between you and your potential. You know you’re capable of so much, and while it would not be fair to say you think you fall short, you know that you’re capable of far more. There’s an adventure for you here, more than there is a learning task. The way to do better work is to go deeper into the quest. You seem determined to develop habits that make you more efficient, though I would suggest that work methods that allow spontaneous growth and your passion for a challenge are the ones to experiment with. As usual, much in the world depends on your contribution, and for that grounding and sense of purpose, you can be thankful.

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