Logocentric Dies in Fierce Car Crash; Globatron Goes all to Hell

Logocentric perished in a collision with a bus full of terrorists outside Albuquerque, NM, on Saturday.

Logocentric, frequent contributor–and at times, infrequent contributor–to globatron.org, died today in a fiery car crash outside Albuquerque, New Mexico.  According to fire rescue officials, Mr. centric turned west onto an eastbound one-way traffic lane and collided with a charter bus full of suicide bombers who were en route to Dallas, Texas.  There were no survivors in either vehicle.  At least twenty additional cars were involved in the ensuing pile-up. Passengers in the other vehicles were not injured.

Fire Chief Daniel Picadilly reported that the scene was “like a big barbecue that got way out of control.”  He added that the incident was unlike anything he had seen during his thirty-year career.

The incident comes on the heels of  the devastating announcement that Akbar Lightning, renowned philosopher, mystic, and trickster, resigned from globatron.org.   That announcement followed a series of exchanges among the site’s main contributors about the future of the forum, whose readership spans the globe and is reported to reach the outer limits of the solar system.  According to Professor James Chickenbock, of Globatron University, the question of what will happen to globatron in the wake of these events–whether it be corporate takeover, utter disintegration, or a complete renewal of image and focus–remains to be asked, let alone answered.  But one thing is certain: change is on its way.

Perhaps a fitting indicator of change was witnessed by one of the drivers in the pileup near Albuquerque.  Robert Maldonado reported that “it was weird because, you know, I saw my life flash in front of my eyes.  But then I saw that I wasn’t dead at all.  Then I saw this dude wearing a black leather jacket standing outside my car window and I thought, ‘Man I must be in some kind of movie, like the ‘Sixth Sense’ or something.’  Then he disappeared and I was like, ‘What just happened?'”

A second uninjured driver, Billy Hossenfeffer, told a reporter that he felt sorry for the people who had died.  When asked whether he was familiar with Logocentric’s work, he replied, “Nah, I don’t read that much.”  When the reporter informed him that the bus had carried suicide bombers, Hossenfeffer turned red, retracted his previous statements, and walked away from the crash site.

Whether recent events drive any new site contributors toward topics about the supernatural or about education of the unread and vocal, the stakes are certainly high.  Indeed, they may have reached a point where returning to the old paradigms of art, storytelling, and scholarship becomes not only passe, but fatal.