Sunday, part 1
I walk through these rooms
in a house that is not quite a mansion
there is leftover meat in the fridge
there is golf on TV
I slide on the calloused soles of my feet
Something about memory
I think I am losing my memory.
When I was a kid, they said things like
go out and play, the day is too beautiful to waste
but on sundays it was too much, not because I longed
for church, not because I hated the sunshine or lying on the grass
not because I was tired or sick from saturdays
not because I had nothing to do
there was too much to be
abundance of opportunity
I live in this world that does not change
If it changes it is only in one direction
My perception will move to that of a homeless man
I will let myself skip the shower
I will not eat.
I will ride the train all day and mumble about slavery
I will sit against a wall and stare at my feet.
I cannot change the conditions that I see
can only be who I am in them
and maybe without them, I am not.
What if I could pretend in an authentic way, I mean not work for someone eight hours a day
even if I were poor. Could that happen?
I see poverty all over the place
and nothing happens to stop it
in a number of ways, if I suffer, then it is my fault.
But if I am too unhappy to stop it?
What if I see the half-empty, the broken, the lonely, the fraudulent,
the sick, despairing, the tepid, disingenuous
what if I am unable to separate? To draw authentic lines in my mind,
on paper, in granules, by the pound?
To send scrawls on stationery in an envelope by the mail?
To tie my shoes, to eat with a spoon, to fire off another email?
But I have lived in too many houses, walked in too many rooms
ordered too many books
I have too many debts that will last my life
my reason for getting up is that I already feel the weight of the earth above me
that space that tells you you’re not younger
that palace in your mind that you now see in ruins
when you close your eyes and think hard on the worst possible doomsday scenario
though the thing you want least is to be “that guy”
the more entertaining you are
the more value you add to your human family
who conspicuously consume
your personality
and repeat things because they ring pleasant, because they sound tragic, because they define
poets aren’t much different from politicians or historians
an occasional phrase will sound like another
mostly it won’t though we think that it does
and we will shuffle again our papers, being mindful of the noise
on sundays I will not shuffle papers
I will not in fact make much sense at all
no need to go ecclesiastical
we’re all aware that when it rains you stay inside
now for a commercial
7 Comments
Logocentric
January 16, 2010just wanted to point out that one of the commentators on ‘the fall of the western world’ is david ickes, who is probably best known as a proponent of the lizard people theory. a very strange combination of personalities.
globatron
January 16, 2010The poem is great. Love it. wish I could write this way. It seems to tap into the helplessness I feel often.
And then I have good days. I wonder how to have a happy medium between the end of the world doom scenario and the possibility of our species evolving quickly and things actually working out, aka the technological singularity.
Those seem to be the two options on the table. I want a third. Is there one? Or a fourth even?
I just watched the commercials. The first video I find quite odd because it goes to the root of the evil. Making money and fear mongering. I in no way do I want to be programmed by this NWO ideology. I don’t want to live my life preparing for the end. I want to experience the present. I do think I want to have at least a weeks worth of survival rations though just in case.
great post Logocentric…
globatron
January 16, 2010My wife just mentioned all the blogs she reads where she reads of huge movements towards eating locally, being conscious of how much fuel it took to get the products you buy, who made it, were they treated fairly, and in general a back to nature, locally grown, locally made movement.
I would like to present that as a third option. I would also like many more options.
Logocentric
January 16, 2010thanks, i appreciate it. yes, that nwo doomsday stuff is too heavy to feel real at this point. but where does one draw the line? i mean, i know that part of my occasionally gloomy outlook is a result of my visiting that market. but that message seems to have become so pervasive that it’s hard to avoid. the message, in fact, is that if you avoid this stuff, you’re living in fantasy land. so good question: where is the livable medium?
Logocentric
January 16, 2010that’s a great response from your wife. the local movement. it points both to preparedness and responsibility/sustainability.
globatron
January 16, 2010Yeah she always seem to be able to find the middle way. And you are right it seems that the dooms day scenario is amazingly pervasive in our culture and is becoming more so the closer we get to 2012.
I truly hope that all of the NWO theories are just bunk and I can raise my kids to use more of their brains than I do.
Fear is a powerful thing. I believe if you remove the fear you can actually find the freedom we so often speak of. How do we do so? If one lives without fear are they considered insane in our culture?
Maybe the homeless are the sane ones after all.
Maybe there is a reason that they don’t want to enter back into society other than lack of proper medication.
Logocentric
January 17, 2010good point about the homeless. i’m always bothered when ‘mental illness’ and ‘drugs’ are given as the reasons for homelessness. another diagnosis that falls too shallow. it seems to me that one has to be mentally ill to not want, at least secretly, to escape the idiocy that is late-modern life.